Her History Bothers Me

5 months ago AuthorJasonOrtiz 0

QUESTION

My girlfriend’s sexual history bothers me. What should I do?

I have been with her for six months. I have had this issue the entire time and I don’t know where to go from here. We are both 28 years old, but we clearly have different pasts. I was in a long-term relationship, so my partner list is much more limited than her 21 total partner list. I think that is a really high number as far as partners go and some of them were one-night stands. She has stated her regret for some of her past behaviors, but it still happened, and I wish she didn‘t share the number with me. It’s not even as if I asked for the number. Some guys ask, I don’t because I know I am not comfortable with that, but she said it anyway. I just don’t want to be seen as someone as someone with a trashy woman or a woman that can’t be trusted.

What should I do?

R.S.G. Says:

I think the first thing you need to do is tone down the judgement. Who we have become today is a product of our experiences. If you love or care deeply for her, you have to understand that those good qualities you learned to love about her also comes from her experiences and in those experiences are things she learned about herself and helped develop her into the wonderful person she is today.

It is also her past that has afforded her the opportunity to learn to love and care for you the way she does. It is in many of our past experiences that we evolve into much greater people.

If your concern (and you didn’t directly say such) is whether you match up to 21 other people, stop those childish thoughts and remember that for 6 months, she has chosen you and only you. Do not allow things that no longer exist or mere numbers to make you feel threatened or fearful. Do not allow the ego to destroy the promise of something amazing. If she hasn’t cheated or given you a reason to think she cheated, you should not betray her trust in you. Also, another way to look at it is she chose you above those 21 other men. It is you she chose at the end of the day.

Just don’t be a douche about this and hurt her over her past, especially when she is making it a point to make you her today and possibly tomorrow.