Rebuilding Trust After Someone Cheated
5 months ago AuthorJasonOrtiz 0
It’s not easy for some people to trust someone in the first place, but then to have that trust broken, it can be damn near impossible to gain that person’s trust again, however, it is possible though.
One thing about being hurt and having trust broken, is that we tend to react to the momentary emotion. We may instigate a break-up because we are hurt and at that very moment, we do not see any reason to trust this person again. Can someone who betrayed trust ever be a trustworthy person again? Of course, they can.
How can this be done though?
Now, this is NOT endorsing that you should automatically trust the same person again. Nor is this saying you should go back to the one that broke trust. Each situation is different, and each situation requires its own response. This is for those wanting to trust again.
It is important to understand that while trying to rebuild trust, you should not push aside all your doubts. Some people aren’t as worthy of a second go and the reason for rebuilding trust may be because of you and time invested and not wanting to be single as opposed to this person really deserving it. Many times, we don’t know the difference when our emotions are swirling around us. Keeping your guard up somewhat is still reasonable and wise. As time continues, you can slowly lower them if your individual situation warrants such a response. In lowering your guard, you are giving your partner an elevated position, which is a gift, to continue to be more trusting. If they aren’t more trusting and their actions aren’t supportive of such, then they are damaging your trust-building time and probably isn’t worth the continuance.
Every relationship requires an effective continuance of communication. A relationship that has been infested with cheating, needs it more so than ever, only if this situation is one that you both wish to overcome. You are NOT required to stay in a cheating relationship just because of time invested, you should consider everything else as well.
If you do choose to try and rebuild trust, then you have to be more mature than your emotional hurts normally allow you too. You have to be winning and able to allow your partner, even though they broke trust, to speak honestly. You have to allow them to express self without throwing things in their faces. You both have to learn to fight fair instead of fighting to win or to simply be right.
It is a realistic expectation to view a relationship differently after a cheating situation and the reality is, some never recover, some do, and some excel. Some relationships weren’t ideal in the first place and that should be weighed out as well.
Broken trust, especially from cheating can alter the outlook of a relationship, even if it is momentarily. If you are the one that cheated, don’t think saying sorry should rekindle the romance or all of a sudden move you past your infidelities. It doesn’t work that way. You do NOT determine the time period of healing, nor do you determine the extent of forgiveness. You work hard, you work harder than ever to show that not only is it that you don’t want to lose the love of your life, but that you are becoming better and it’s because you want to be a person.
Honestly, even then, it still is up to you both to make this work.
It is so hard to remain in the present state of a relationship when someone cheats and has some audacity level to expect you to get over it. However, going to the past will not give you comfort, nor will trying to look past it into the future. You must confront, heal and accept the present in order to fully be ready to healthily conquer tomorrow.
It is your right to be hurt, it is your right to be angry or even sad, but you do not deserve to live on hurt boulevard and pain street. You deserve to heal. The relationship can’t and won’t evolve while you reside in pain street. The key to healing is not just forgiveness, but to trust yourself.
Learn to trust your decisions, no matter how hard. Learn to trust your feelings, no matter how painful or happy. Learn to trust that no matter your choices, that you will be ok walking into tomorrow because you got you.
As for the cheater, take responsibility for your actions. Don’t shift blame. You made a conscious decision to risk the relationship for what is assumed to be momentary pleasure. Learn and accept the understanding it takes to realize how your behavior has your partner feeling. Reflect on that. You need to realize it isn’t easy to be a victim of cheating. Be able to keep your promises, in order for you to show that you are trustworthy, you must always follow through with what you claimed you would do. You must be available and reliable. Being there and being able to respect needed space sounds contradictive but isn’t. You need to respect it.
The healing process isn’t an overnight phenomenon and shouldn’t be expected to be. Now just because you cheated, it does NOT give your partner the right to be abusive towards you. Working on one area of toxicity with another isn’t healing, it’s never growing. It’s kinda a lateral movement. One problem to the next. Another thing, just because you cheated, it doesn’t mean you lost all your rights to privacy either. If someone isn’t mature enough to respect that, they aren’t ready for the relationship to heal. Privacy and space are important areas of a successfully, trusting relationship.
Both partners should find out what their partner needs and reflect on how this can be achieved. Problem solve together. Communicate openly. Openly share your needs and honestly express if you can meet those needs and if you know you can’t, then consider whether a continuance of the relationship is actually the right thing for you.
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